Going Public

Just so it's out there for the world to see, here is my New Year's resolution:

Watch less TV

I don't know how much television I actually watch. But the darn thing is always on. This year, that changes.

So far, so good.

Know Your Role

I had a meeting today for the event I'm volunteering my time to plan. If I'm completely honest, earlier this week I was a bit disenchanted with my involvement in this event. I got the feeling that there had been miscommunication about my role...or that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing. I received a phone call yesterday from one of the people in charge of the event. When I got off the phone with her, I felt a HUGE weight lift off my shoulders. No one is mad at me. I'm not letting anyone down. In fact, I was the one who had misunderstood exactly what they wanted me to do; and I like the real role even better.

I expected the meeting today to be fierce. I thought that there was still one person who was going to be out for blood. I was wrong. And I'm glad I was wrong. I am, once again, excited about the event.

By some miracle, my baby boy was an angel during our meeting. (Don't get me wrong. He's very chill and such a good baby. But I had to muck up his routine to take him to this meeting...which was during naptime.) I knew he would fall asleep on our way home, so I opted to take the scenic route home so that he could catch some Z's and maybe reset back into his usual sequence of daily activities.

I've mentioned before that driving is soothing for me. It's something I enjoy. It gives me time to think.

I realized something on my joy ride home. My last blog made it sound like I doubt who I am. That's not accurate. I haven't changed. Sure, I've added "mom" to my life resume, and it's in much bigger font than my other titles right now. But it's my role that has changed; not me.

And I realized it has a domino effect of sorts. I must learn to reshape and refocus everything else through the reality of my mommy role. And that makes it much easier for me to comprehend.

Part of me thinks this was an epiphany of sorts...an "a-ha moment." And part of me thinks it was a "shoulda had a V-8 moment." Either way, I'll take it.

I knew myself once

In high school and early college, when a lot of kids are just flying by the seat of their pants and doing whatever feels right, I spent a lot of time looking into myself. I was blessed to figure out who I was. Knowing myself brought me a confidence when I graduated college and interviewed for jobs. It ensured that I married the right man. It helped me grow into my career and my church.

Fast forward a decade or so.

I still know myself, but my entire circumstance has changed. I had a baby. I quit my job. I pledged to continue working as a volunteer with an organization I'd done work with when I was employed. (That's been hard.)

So here I am. With a college degree I earned with my hard work. With the first phases of my career gone and officially "on  hold." With a precious six-month-old son. With an ever-changing daily routine. (It's true what they say: as soon as you get the baby figured out, he changes it up on you.)

Deep at my core, I still know myself. I am truly thankful, grateful to have that part figured out. That is the part of me that will never change.

But I haven't quite figured out who I am as a wife and mother whose sole job is to care for husband and son. I don't doubt for a second that it's where I'm supposed to be. But I don't have it figured out just yet...